It's a quarter after eleven. I took care not to look at her home as I got off the car. I feared that I would expect her by the door smiling and waving at me. I hurried inside leaving mom and dad to get the luggage. Mom helped me unpack while I sat on my bed staring at the windows that opened to the side of her bedroom. We would sit by the windows and yell at each other or just do whatever we were doing occasionally looking at one another. I asked mom if she could close them and move the curtains, that the light hurt my eyes. She did as told and closed the door behind her and left.
The smell of vomit, the stingy taste of bile in my throat, I was feeling ill again. I reached for my bag, swallowed a few random pills and waited for the sick feeling to go away. What the medicines did was numb my sick mind, they never helped. I hated my psychiatrist and her lousy assistant who believed I was a nasty uncooperative bitch, that I had no real problem at all. Sometimes she makes me want to cry out loud, but my problem was that I couldn't cry all I'd do was throw up and followed by reliving every goddarned second of the dreaded day. So they shut up and prescribed me more pills soon I stopped questioning the purpose of each pills, I just downed them with two glasses of water and hoped for all my demons to be left dead by the damned medication.
I must've fallen asleep sometime after that. It was only after I woke at 12 in the night I realized I had taken sleeping pills. My head was heavy and pounding, it hurt so bad that I screamed. Which brought mom and dad to my room, they were awake from the ghostly pale look on their face I could tell they were worried. That night I slept in my mom's lap, my feet resting in dad's lap. I slept peacefully, I had cramps when I woke in the morning but I smiled when I saw my parents asleep, in the same position I saw them before falling asleep.
For some unknown reason it reminded me of our sleepovers, we'd stay up all night, talking, playing games, making paper cranes, watching cartoons and doze off on the floor, in the sofa, chair, bed, table just about anywhere. One night we tired ourselves out, making origami stuff and when we woke in the morning we found ourselves amidst of paper cranes and paper lanterns hung in the ceiling, origami flowers all over the floor and a big white poster on the wall that said "we have the world's biggest sleepyheads for daughters, you guys are amazing either way". Our parents had decorated our room with everything that we made in the night. It was beautiful and I remember her saying, looking up the ceiling, we were laying on the floor "you know I've always wanted to hang stars, fluorescent ones in my room and stare at them every night and imagine I was floating amongst them. But this is even better, flying paper cranes and pretty little lanterns" and I told her she was being ridiculous and romantic.
I waited for the nauseous feeling to come. But it didn't. Instead I felt warm and pleasant inside. Almost made me want to go in the kitchen and make coffee for everyone. But mom beat me to it.
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